Presently absent.

It’s very rare that anyone has the chance to really impact someone’s life on a personal level. While I received a lot of amazing feedback from people after my last blog post, this is the most amazing response I could have dreamt of – someone following in my footsteps and writing a letter to their absent parent. This person would like to remain anonymous, but I know him well and can tell you this isn’t made up. It’s amazing how therapeutic writing your thoughts can be. 

If anyone else would like to write a letter to their parent – anonymous or not – feel free to send me an email at cierachoate@gmail.com. 

—————————-

Absently present. An oxymoron.

An oxymoron: a figure of speech in which apparently contradictory terms appear in conjunction.

Absently present. That is what you have been in my life.

At first, when you left – you left an inevitable, nuclear-sized void in the heart of an innocent 9-year old boy. Psychologists will tell you that this sort of trauma – a parent leaving, and in this case by choice – is apt to resonate throughout one’s life. In hindsight, I would agree. On some poorly-put-together raft in the turbulent sea of self-blame was where you left me. If it wasn’t for the swift rescue by the loving will of other people in my life at the time – I might still be trying to swim to the shore of ‘normal’ life.

I was just one of the unfortunate bystander’s of your drug-swerving life-style. At least that’s what it felt like after some years had passed.

I want you to know now, because I haven’t heard from you in numerous years, that I have been and am currently doing fantastic! Few thoughts of you linger into my life now. In those fluttering moments, the fading memories of you just seem to land on me like a bumble-bee with no stinger. Those memories still scare me, but they no longer carry with them the potential for pain.

I am your son. But I am not your choices. That is what I have accepted. Thank you for the adversity. I have learned that my choices are the only thing in my control. I am content now. Happy. Because of this… there is no need for you to disturb my life anymore by being absently present. So I will continue to waltz through life, trying to never look back, keeping you always where I feel it is best – presently absent.

“The only thing that’s capital-T True is that you get to decide how you’re gonna try to see it.” – David Foster Wallace

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